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The Three Sillies
Adapted by Joseph Jacobs

Once upon a time there was a farmer and his wife who had one daughter. There was a gentleman in the village who began to court her. Every evening he would come see her and stop to have supper at the farmhouse. The daughter would be sent down into the cellar to draw the juice for supper.
One evening when she had gone down to draw the juice, she happened to look up at the ceiling, and she saw a mallet stuck in one of the beams. It must have been there a long, long time, but somehow or other she had never noticed it before, and she began to think. She thought it was very dangerous to have that mallet there, and said to herself: “Suppose he and I were to be married, and we were to have a son who would grow up to be a man, and come down into the cellar to get the juice just as I’m doing now. The mallet could fall on his head and kill him, what a dreadful thing that would be!” So she put down the candle and the jug, and sat herself down and began to cry. Well, they began to wonder upstairs what was taking so long so her mother went down to see. She found her sitting on the bench crying, and the juice running over the floor. “Why, whatever is the matter?” said her mother. “Oh, mother!” she said, “look at that horrid mallet! Suppose we were to be married and have a son, and he was to grow up, and was to come down to the cellar, and the mallet was to fall on his head and kill him! What a dreadful thing that would be!” “Dear, dear! What a dreadful thing that would be!” said the mother, and she sat down beside her daughter and started crying too. After a little while, the father began to wonder why they didn’t come back. So, he went down into the cellar to look for them himself. There the two sat crying, and the juice was running all over the floor. “Whatever is the matter?” he said. “Why,” said the mother, “look at that horrid mallet. Just suppose our daughter and her sweetheart were to be married, and were to have a son, and he was to grow up, and was to come down into the cellar to draw the juice, and the mallet was to fall on his head and kill him. What a dreadful thing it would be!” “Dear, dear, dear! So it would!” said the father, and he sat down beside the other two, and started to cry. Now the gentleman got tired of sitting in the kitchen by himself, so at last he went down into the cellar also to see what they were doing. There the three sat crying side by side with the juice running all over the floor. He ran straight to them and said, “Whatever are you three doing, sitting there crying, and letting the juice run all over the floor?” “Oh!” said the father, “look at that horrid mallet! Suppose you and our daughter were to be married, and were to have a son, and he was to grow up and come down into the cellar to draw the juice, and the mallet was to fall on his head and kill him!”, then they all started crying worse than before.
The gentleman burst out laughing, reached up and pulled out the mallet, and then said, “I’ve traveled many miles, and I have never met such silly people as the three of you before. I shall now start on my travels again, and when I can find three sillier people than the three of you, I’ll come back and marry your daughter.” So he wished them good-by, and started off on his travels, and left them all crying again because the girl had lost her sweetheart. He traveled a long way, and at last he came to a woman’s cottage that had some grass growing on the roof. The woman was trying to get her cow to go up a ladder to the grass, and the poor thing did not want to go. So, the gentleman asked the woman what she was doing. “Why, look,” she said, “look at all that beautiful grass. I’m trying to get the cow up to the roof to eat it.
She’ll be quite safe, for I shall tie a string round her neck, pass it down the chimney and tie it to my wrist so as I go about the house she can’t fall off without my knowing it.” “You are so silly!” said the gentleman. “You should cut the grass and throw it down to the cow!” But the woman thought it was easier to get the cow up the ladder than to get the grass down, so she pushed her and coaxed her and got her up the ladder, tied a string round her neck, passed it down the chimney, and fastened it to her own wrist. The gentleman went on his way, but he hadn’t gone far when he saw the cow tumble off the roof. Well, that was one big silly idea, he thought so, the gentleman continued on, and found an inn where he could sleep that night. They were so full at the inn they had to put him in a double-bedded room that he shared with another traveler. The other man was a very pleasant fellow, and they became friends quickly. In the morning however, when they were both getting up, the gentleman was surprised to see the other traveler hang his trousers on the knobs of the chest of drawers. He then ran across the room and tried to jump into his trousers. He tried over and over again but couldn’t do it. The gentleman wondered whatever he was doing that for. At last he stopped and wiped his face with his handkerchief. Oh dear,” he said, “I do think trousers are the most awkward kind of clothes that ever existed. I can’t understand who would have invented such things. It takes me the best part of an hour to get into mine every morning, and I get so hot! How do you manage to get into yours?” The gentleman burst out laughing, and showed him how to put them on. The traveler was very much obliged to him, and said he never would have thought of doing it that way. This was another silly person.
Then the gentleman started on his travels again and soon came to a village. Outside the village there was a pond, and standing around the pond was a crowd of people. They had rakes, brooms, and pitchforks, and they were reaching into the pond. The gentleman asked what was the matter. “Why,” they replied, the moon has tumbled into the pond, and we can’t get it out!” The gentleman burst out laughing, told them to look up into the sky, and showed them that it was only the reflection of the moon in the water. But they wouldn’t listen to him, and shouted at him shamefully. He got away as quick as he could. In all the gentleman's travels he saw that there were many people sillier than the three silly people at home. So, the gentleman turned back to go home again and he married the farmer’s daughter. If they didn’t live happily ever after well, that’s nothing to do with you or me.

This story takes place many years ago.

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