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Summer Learning Short Stories
“This summer has been a unique experience for me. Wearing a mask, over washing my hands, and being socially distanced was not what I had in mind for the season, but I got to see the world from a different perspective. “This summer has been a unique experience for me. Wearing a mask, over washing my hands, and being socially distanced was not what I had in mind for the season, but I got to see the world from a different perspective. “This summer has been a unique experience for me. Wearing a mask, over washing my hands, and being socially distanced was not what I had in mind for the season, but I got to see the world from a different perspective. “This summer has been a unique experience for me. Wearing a mask, over washing my hands, and being socially distanced was not what I had in mind for the season, but I got to see the world from a different perspective. “This summer has been a unique experience for me. Wearing a mask, over washing my hands, and being socially distanced was not what I had in mind for the season, but I got to see the world from a different perspective. “This summer has been a unique experience for me. Wearing a mask, over washing my hands, and being socially distanced was not what I had in mind for the season, but I got to see the world from a different perspective. “This summer has been a unique experience for me. Wearing a mask, over washing my hands, and being socially distanced was not what I had in mind for the season, but I got to see the world from a different perspective.
SUMMER EXPERIENCE by Mackenzie Dougherty, Grade 9 Student
“This summer has been a unique experience for me. Wearing a mask, over washing my hands, and being socially distanced was not what I had in mind for the season, but I got to see the world from a different perspective.
While I didn’t get to participate in volleyball, marching band, or take a vacation, I was able to obtain valuable information I wouldn’t have gained otherwise.…I have expanded my knowledge about viruses through the ongoing pandemic. Through Lumos Learning, I reviewed and learned language arts topics and math topics while enjoying time with my family. I took several trips to Lake Erie, collecting rocks, watching the waves, and swimming. I also spent plenty of time outside in my backyard with my sisters. Although this summer didn’t go as planned, I still managed to have an educational and enjoyable time.
Author George’s Remarks:
Well written (grammar, punctuation, sentence structure) with thoughts clearly expressed and details provided.
First paragraph: Good explanation as to why this summer was a unique experience. Also, you said you got to see the world from a different perspective, which makes me as a reader interested in finding out what you meant, but you did not elaborate.
Second paragraph: And sure enough, you did explain the things you did that gave you a different perspective (from what you would have ordinarily been doing if the virus had not occurred).
Third paragraph: Good summary statement of the story
SUMMER EXPERIENCE by Aneeq Rasheed, Grade 9 Student
Hi. My name is Aneeq Rasheed. This summer experience was full of not really getting out of the house and always wearing a mask if when I did get out of the house. …The worst part of this summer (O or the whole year) was that I wasn’t allowed to go to my friends’ houses. Most of my summer the time I spent was playing outside or sitting home. I then got this Summer Learning Headstart (Special Edition) book and I actually really like it. After a while of While I was studying, I saw this page with the Lumos Short Story Competition 2020, and I couldn’t resist but to enter entering this competition, and that is how my summer has been (so far).
Author George’s Remarks:
You did a good job explaining what this summer was like for you.
Suggestions for changes to the text:
1. This summer experience was full of not really getting out of the house and always wearing a mask if when I did get out of the house.
2. The worst part of this summer (O or the whole year) was that I wasn’t allowed to go to my friends’ houses. Most of my summer the time I spent was playing outside or sitting home. I then got this Summer Learning Headstart (Special Edition) book and I actually really like it. After a while of While I was studying, I saw this page with the Lumos Short Story Competition 2020, and I couldn’t resist but to enter entering this competition, and that is how my summer has been.(so far).
My summer has been great! I’ve had a lot of great experiences and fun. What I enjoyed about summer is that I could play on my electronics.
The thing I didn’t like about summer is that my dad made us do school work. EVEN ON THE WEEKEND’S. ! But, we eventually had gotten over it.…
We haven’t really been doing anything because of COVID. We were supposed to go on a cruise, but then the pandemic hit. So, the The only reason we have been out of the house is for doctors’ appointments except that A few days later, my parents bought a house. We did a lot of moving, taking stuck stuff to the dump, and donating! Anyway, that’s all what we did for the summer. Goodbye!
Author George’s Remarks:
Well written (grammar, punctuation, sentence structure) with interesting details about how you spent your summer.
First paragraph: Good explanation of why your summer has been great.
Second paragraph: Having to do homework on weekends – very funny. Question: “But, we eventually had gotten over it.” Over what, your homework? Maybe better to say “finished it.”
Suggested changes: So, the The only reason. we have been out of the house is for doctors’ appointments except that A few days later, my parents bought a house. We did a lot of moving, taking stuck stuff to the dump, and donating! Anyway, that’s all what we did for the summer. Goodbye!
Finding Fun during a Pandemic by Lillian Olson, Grade 4 Student
This was a weird summer. We did not travel because of COVID-19 and stayed mostly at home and outside around our house. Even when I saw my friends, it was unusual. This summer, I worked and made money helping my parents.…The pandemic allowed me to spend more time inside and I learned many new skills. We made face masks and had to figure out which pattern fit us the best. My sister and I enjoyed creating other arts and crafts projects. Additionally, I have been learning to play instruments such as the piano, guitar and trombone. We also baked and cooked because we did not go out to eat (at all!). I love baking desserts. The brownies and cookies we made were amazing! I also read for one hour a day and did a workbook by Lumos Learning. I especially loved the Math.
Our time outdoors was different this summer. We ordered hens. My family spent a lot of time fixing the coop and setting it up for our 18 chickens. We had a daily responsibility to take care of our chickens in the morning, giving them food and water and in the evening, securing them in their coop. We were surprised that 3 of the hens were actually roosters! Additionally, we exhausted many days gardening and building a retaining wall. Our garden has many different fruits and vegetables. The retaining wall required many heavy bricks, shoveling rocks, and moving dirt around. To cool off from doing all this hard work, we jumped in a stream and went tubing. Our dog, Coco liked to join us.
COVID-19 has also caused me to interact differently with my friends. We used FaceTime, Zoom, and Messenger Kids to chat and video talk with each other. Video chatting is not as fun as being in person with my friends. I love Messenger Kids because it is fun and you can play interactive games with each other.
I had to spend some of my time working. I helped clean my parents’ Airbnb. This was busier because of COVID-19. My sister and I will start to sell the chicken eggs once they start to lay which we expect to happen anytime. We had a small business two years ago doing this same thing.
Summer 2020 has been unusual in many ways. We played indoors and outdoors at our house and nearby with family. I have learned new skills and learned to use technology in different ways.
Summer of 2020 will never be forgotten!
Author George’s Remarks:
Well written (grammar, punctuation, sentence structure), interesting details.
First paragraph: Good explanation of why this was a weird summer.” Even when I saw my friends, it was unusual.” – In what way?
Second paragraph: Detailed, descriptive explanation of how you spent your time indoors and what new skills you learned.
Third paragraph: Detailed, descriptive explanation of how you spent your time outdoors.
Fourth paragraph: Good explanation of your statement about how you interacted differently with your friends.
Fifth paragraph: Suggested change: I helped clean my parents’ Airbnb, which This was busier…
Last paragraph: Good summary of this story.
A Summer Like No Other by Riley Olson, grade 7 Student
My 2020 Summer experience was like no other I have ever had! Because of the pandemic, I have learned new skills such as baking and building.
The summer started off by shredding my homework and throwing it in to our compost bin.
Using the dirt from the compost, we then planted pineapple, squash, zucchini, watermelon, potatoes, lettuce, garbanzo beans, snap peas and a variety of tomatoes. To make our home more self-reliant, we purchased 15 hens and 3 roosters to lay eggs.
…
My father helped me advance a step further into one of my favorite hobbies, birdwatching. He and I built a beautiful treehouse 15 feet off the ground near a nest of Scarlet Tanagers. We worked with old building materials (reusing and recycling is important to me). We utilized old decking and windows from our house renovation and used old screws from previous projects. For fun breaks, we went to a park down the road and went tubing in the river.
It was also a summer of learning new skills and trades. My father taught me how to use a slingshot and bow and arrow. My grandmother taught me how to sew masks for my whole family and the neighborhood. My mother taught me how to pickle cucumbers and knit pillowcases and blankets. I took many online classes using Varsity Tutors. A couple of my favorites were learning to be an astronaut and exploring how to enhance my public speaking skills.
In conclusion, this summer, although odd, has been a blessing. It has given me the time to connect with my loving family, pets, nature, and myself. I learned many important skills and hope to continue doing them once school is in session. But right now, one of my greatest wishes is to be able to hug my grandparents again.
Author George’s Remarks:
Well written (grammar, punctuation, sentence structure), interesting, detailed.
You supported your introductory statement “My 2020 summer experience was like no other I have ever had!” by giving examples of why it was different – good. Just curious – I would have explained why you did not have to hand in your homework and instead could shred it. Suggest that this phrase “To make our home more self-reliant” be placed in front of “Using the dirt from the compost” since the plantings also made your home more self-reliant, just as the purchase of the chickens and rooster did.
Detailed, interesting explanation of how your father advanced you a step further into your hobby.
You supported your statement “It was also a summer of learning new skills and trades” by giving specific examples – good.
Your conclusion is a good summary of this story.
Summer Competition Entry by Fox Kiewel, Grade 9 Student
Well, let’s start off with the fact that I started Lumos Learning early. I am writing this in June. So this is not my whole summer.
Starting off, staying in the house this whole summer was very interesting. I got to do a lot of things with my family and I rarely went outside. I mostly played the new Animal Crossing on my Nintendo Switch. I also played Pokémon Shield. But, this summer isn’t all about video games…
It’s about the things I did besides video games!
The first thing I remember is going to California in February. I got to see my Momma, and as we were driving to California, my mom (Mom is the one in my regular home and Momma is the one in my summer and winter-break home), told me that the school was shutting down for an extra few weeks. So I thought, “okay, this is going to be a longer-than-usual but not-too-long summer vacation.” BOY was I wrong. It was the longest spring break: from March to August! SIX MONTHS of staying inside!
Well, what I do remember is doing some homework on the computer and in workbooks. For most of the first few months of doing homework, I was really struggling. So my mom decided to only do what the school was giving us. Then, my mom bought a Lumos Learning book. At first, it was very hard, but then with practice, it got much easier!
Then, when it was over, my mom took all of our homework and shredded it! My sister and I had a homework fight! Then we got to go swimming!
I also remember when we were going to go to a mountain and go camping! But our trip was canceled because our dog was sick (not with the virus). So, we went indoor-camping and set up a tent in the living room. We also ate Spaghettios and beans. We ate summer sausage and s’ mores! We told scary campfire stories and scared each other. I also got to sleep on the couch because the tent was too small for me.
I also got to play with my sister a lot more than I would, normally! We got to play lots of board games.
I remember when we got new presents. I got some new Lego sets from a Lego set called Hidden Side™. I really enjoyed the Legos and I have them in my room as a set. I also got to save up for one of them and it was $70! (It was a bus one.)
Lastly, we went on walks every Monday and they were fun. I got to see a lot of wildlife and got to talk with my sister and my family! We had a lot of fun this summer. I really can’t wait for the next summer. I think I might be going to the beach in California. That might be exciting. I bet it’s going to be a fun summer vacation!
Author George’s Remarks:
In general, well written (grammar, punctuation, sentence structure).
Interesting, detailed, descriptive story. Paragraph 2: Delete: “Starting off” (is not necessary to say) and begin with “Staying.” Good – you gave examples to support the statement “staying in the house…very interesting.” Add Paragraph 3 “It’s about…” to the last sentence in Paragraph 2, because it completes the sentence. Paragraph 4 (California trip) gives good detailed descriptions of what you were thinking about and also what you did there. You can add Paragraph 6 “Then when it was over…” to Paragraph 5 “Well what I do remember…” since they both relate to homework. Give details of the homework fight – not clear what that was about. Paragraph 7 (camping trip) gives good detailed descriptions. Add Paragraph 8 “I also got to play…” to Paragraph 7. Paragraph 9 and 10 give good descriptions of activities. Explain how you got the money to buy the “bus one: Lego set.
Summer Competition Entry by Lilyan, Grade 9 Student
This year, summer seemed different. I couldn’t see my friends, and I couldn’t go to my summer camp. Though, I felt this summer was the best summer. I wrote letters with friends.…I also got to date a really sweet and amazing person. I watched my best friend get in a car and drive to Arizona. I got to use Lumos Learning and learned so much. I saw my family grow, and understood that what I had I would take for granted. I just got to go to a party and I had a great time. I knew to appreciate the time I had because I didn know when I would see them all again. I guess that’s how this whole summer went. 2020 was a very interesting summer, not one that I will forget. My birthday is in a week and I don’t want to have anything big. I don’t need to have something big if I can just see my family. I did miss going to the beach this summer, but we went camping a lot. I got to be with my nephews and make campfires. This summer is a summer I will never want to replace, it was perfect in its own way.
Author George’s Remarks:
In general, well written (grammar, punctuation, sentence structure) with a lot of detail. Good – you gave examples of your statement “summer seemed different” and why “this summer was the best summer.” Did you mean wrote letters with friends or to friends? Explain – “I saw my family grow,”. Was there a baby born, or what? If you “…understood that what I had I would take for granted.” then if you understood it and appreciated it, why would you take it for granted? I would think you would not take it for granted. I suggest that you delete these two sentences “I guess that’s how this whole summer went” and “2020 was a very interesting summer, not one I will forget.” because you summed up your feelings about the summer in the last sentence, so these earlier sentences are redundant.
Summer Competition Entry by Iamamh, Grade 9 Student
“In a blink of an eye, my middle school life was over. This started the summer of 2020. Once I was released from school, I didn’t really expect much to happen during the summer, since we are in the middle of a pandemic.…However, I was able to do some fun activities, even though we couldn’t go anywhere. For instance, my gym was able to stay open during these hard times. I was able to learn many new skills and continue to do something I love. There have been certain guidelines, but I believe that my gym is still the same happy place. Therefore, I hope to upgrade many more skills so that I can move up to the next level because I love to push myself during gymnastics to do my very best. Besides doing gymnastics, I was also able to go to dance class. This was also a great experience because dance is another sport that I love. For a little bit, my dance class was on zoom, but it eventually went back to being able to go to the actual dance studio. It was amazing to be back in the studio because I could get the training that I needed to become a better dancer. I was very excited to go back, since there was a lot more space to practice my technique correctly. Although there are things that I have to work on, I have my personal goals to push myself to be the best I can be. Lastly, I’ve been able to spend more time with my family which is the greatest experience of all. During this quarantine, my mom and dad are able to spend a lot more time with me and it makes me happy that I get to see them more often. My mom has shown me different activities I can do to help me stay busy during this dull summer. I practiced my Spanish, played my clarinet, read some books, and did this workbook. All of this has made me a better person and I’m so glad I got to experience it all. This summer may have turned out not the way I planned, but a global pandemic can’t stop me from doing what I love.
Author George’s Remarks:
Author George’s Remarks:
Very well written (grammar, punctuation, sentence structure), lots of detail.
Make this story easier for a reader by dividing it up into several paragraphs. Start new paragraphs with “For instance” and “Besides doing gymnastics” and “Lastly I’ve been able”.
Good introductory sentences set the stage for the story. Good examples supporting the statement “However, I was able to do some fun activities…” Explain – what new skills were learned at the gym? Add to guidelines: “because of the pandemic.” Shorten “it eventually went back to being” to “eventually I was able to.” Good closing sentence – it summarizes your feelings..
Summer Competition Entry by Jyri Carhee, Grade 8 Student
Hello! My name is Jyri Carhee, and I am here to talk to you about how my summer went. It all started when Covid-19 hit. I had basically summer with a sickness around the world.… It was a life or death situation which was really scary. But as summer went, so did Covid. It was going away, which was really exciting for me. I spent my birthday at my house, and it was extremely fun. My friends got to come, and that made me so happy. I also had a sleepover with my friends. I also missed school, and some of my friends that go to my school. But, you know what, I got through that. I spent my summer doing chores, playing games, watching TV, and hanging out with friends and family. I loved how summer can bring so much joy into your life, and I am happy that even though I did not get to spend a lot of time outside because of Covid, things still went well for me and my life.
Author George’s Remarks:
Good introductory sentence telling the reader what the story is about. Very positive, upbeat tone to the story. “But as summer went, so did Covid. It was going away,…” This phrasing is a little awkward, so I suggest a different phrasing, such as: “But later on in the summer, Covid infections went way down, which was really exciting for me.” You did a good job of explaining why the rest of the summer was exciting for you. The conclusion, beginning with
“But, you know what,…” is very well done because it summarizes what you did, and expresses your positive feelings about the summer.
Summer Competition Entry by Galactic, Grade 8 Student
My summer was extremely enjoyable. Although COVID was at large, I still was able to go out and have fun. A church by the name of Brookside Baptist Church allowed me to participate in a camping trip at Green Lake.… I had mind-blowing fun! There was fishing, swimming, games, campfires plus s’mores and so much more! I thought it was amazing! I was even able to go tubing. Not only was I able to participate in the camping trip but Brookside also allowed me to help during their Vacation Bible School, or, VBS. That was a great week. There were games, songs, and even a skit. I would be delighted to help again next year. At home I helped around the house when I was needed. Cooking meals for my family was gratifying. Going out with my grandparents and parents was better than any activity. There were times of leisure where I got to play video games and read books too. For my favorite part of this summer, I think VBS and camp are tied. I’m immensely excited for next summer and hope that it’s as stupendous as this one!
Author George’s Remarks:
Very well written (grammar, punctuation, sentence structure) with well-described details of the activities you did. The two introductory sentences convey your positive attitude toward your summer. You gave many examples to support your statement about having fun. You could start a new paragraph with “Not only…” because the first paragraph is very long. Very upbeat and positive closing sentence.
Summer Competition Entry by Tedkang, Grade 8 Student
When someone mentions the word “summer,” I imagine the sun shining above me, palm trees dancing with the wind, and the beautiful ocean. I thought this summer was going to be awesome, since I live in San Diego.…I was hoping to visit some of the astonishing beaches. Even better, I was hoping my family could visit Hawaii for the first time. Sadly, nothing turned out like what I was looking forward to. In March, everything started to go downhill. During the week before sixth-grade camp, everyone seemed exhilarated to be away for their homes for a week. Well, at least until Friday, March 11th. On early Friday morning, our district notified everyone that camp was going to be canceled due to COVID-19. That morning when the sixth-graders entered the school, all they could talk about was how much they had prepared and waited for camp and how despondent they felt about it getting canceled. Woefully, things got even worse during the first period. When I sat down in my chair, my teacher announced that the school was going to be put on hold for three weeks. When I heard the news, I began to imagine how dull it would be to stay home doing nothing except eating and sleeping. Sometime during those 3 weeks, the school district announced that the school wouldn’t open until COVID-19 was under control, plus San Diego was going to be in lockdown as well. That day I thought, “This summer is not going to be so great, after all.”
At the end of June, when the school year officially ended, my days became increasingly tedious. Every day, I woke up to eat-sleep-babysit-eat-babysit-at-videogame-sleep. I felt like my days were on endless repeat. Even worse, I had to do a monotonous, math workbook. But then one Saturday, my doorbell rang. I predicted it was going to be something that my mom ordered. As I predicted, there was a package in front of the door. When I peered inside the box, there was a book titled, “Summer Learning HeadStart 7-8.” by Lumos Learning. I figured out it was my first workbook of the summer. The book looked perfect, except, it looked a little bit advanced. It was because the book was written for future 8th graders, and I was only a future 7th grader. Moreover, English was my second language and it had been only two years since I became proficient. Even so, I gave it a try. The first day, I did three lessons and when I kept getting everything right, I started doing five lessons per day. After this workbook was completed, I felt like this engaging workbook prepared me for the next school year during this uneventful summer. It entertained me with enjoyable activities and stories. In conclusion, this summer might not be eventful, but by educating my brain, it might not be a humdrum summer after all
Author George’s Remarks:
Well written (grammar, punctuation, sentence structure). Imaginative description of your images of what summer is like,followed by your expectations of what you would be doing followed by the reason these expectations were not going to be met and a detailed description of the results of the
cancellations on you and on others. Suggest a new paragraph where the words “During the week…” appear. Then a detailed description of your dull summer routines after school closed and how a learning experience benefited you by increasing your enthusiasm for the material. Then a good concluding statement that summarized how your feelings ended up on a positive note. Last sentence:
instead of “it might not be” shouldn’t it say “it was” because you are looking back on the summer?
Summer Competition Entry by Hi0813, Grade 9 Student
This summer, because of Covid-19, I stayed in for most of the time and pigged out. I would work in the Lumos workbook, watch a couple of movies, but most of all . . . I would play with my baby brother. My brother isn’t a baby but I just call him that to annoy him.…This year, my mom and I tried to bake. We made brownies, cakes, and even macrons!!! The macrons didn’t look too good, but we still ate them. They tasted amazing. I’d say, the best thing I baked was my brother’s birthday cake. It was a creamy, fluffy, and irresistible oreo cake. He loved the cake. I think that the best parts of the day were when I “accidentally” shoved my brother’s slice of cake into his face. That was hilarious. The other part was when he opened his present from me. He thought that he got an iPhone. In reality, he got a couple of bracelets that I made packed in the box my dad got his current phone in. Now, this all happened before 6 o’clock. After 6, I normally meet up with the rest of the C.K’s. To know what it is to be a C.K, you need a lesson about where I live. I live in a culdesac so all the kids there, including me, formed a group. We call ourselves The Culdesac Kids, C.K’s for short. Since I am the oldest and the one who’s lived here the longest, I am the president of the C.K’s. No decision can happen without me unless I give the power to the vice-president, which rarely happens. I would hang out with them until it was either too late or too dark outside. Well, this is pretty much all of the stuff I have done over the summer so thank you for having the time and patience to read this.
Author George’s Remarks:
Well written (grammar, punctuation, sentence structure). First sentence is good because it mentions you stayed inside (and the reasons you did), which set the stage to describe in detail what you did while you were inside the house. Very detailed descriptions. One misspelling: should be spelled macaroons. The ;phrase “but most of all . . . I would play” does not need “…”. Interesting name for your group. Break up this long paragraph by starting a new paragraph beginning with “After 6…” Good concluding sentence that tells the reader “the end,”
Summer Competition Entry by Willoughby, Grade 9 Student
This summer was a crazy one. During spring break, which began Friday the 13th, of all times, my sister had to come home early from boarding school. Ellis has severe Angelmans Syndrome, and she is missing 1/2 a chromosome. She has slow physical and mental development, low pigmentation, and a wide set face and teeth.…Ellis, being twelve, still struggles to walk and is non-verbal. She cannot feed herself, use the bathroom, get in a car, or do many of the things her same age peers can. The boarding school she goes to allows her to live in a structured and educational enviroment that cannot be provided here.
As we were headed on our trip, we were told that she had to be picked up in less than 24 hours. We had no choice but to fly out and get her, then fly back home. She requires 24/7 attention and assistance, and my parents work full time. On top of that, a week after we got home, online school started. For over two months, my brother and I had to care for our sister while keeping our grades up. Ellis needs to be fed, entertained, and kept safe at all times. She wears a diaper, so changing her 3-4 times a day is normal. Keep in mind, my sister weighs 85 pounds, and she is all muscle because of her constant clenching of her muscles. If she hits you, that’s a broken nose, and you are changing her clothing 4 times a day, bathing her, getting her down the stairs. This summer, I’m going into eighth grade, so that means SAT prep as well. This isn’t really a short story, but I can promise you it’s a true one. Have a nice day.
Author George’s Remarks:
Well written (grammar, punctuation, sentence structure). After you stated “This summer was a crazy one” you then explained why that was. You used very descriptive language to describe the home environment and the care required by your sibling. The story communicated a difficult situation that should make anyone who is compassionate respect the fact that you, as a 7th grader, had to assume duties usually assigned to an adult parent or adult caretaker. Correct spelling
Is environment, not enviroment.
Summer Competition Entry by Clairem, Grade 9 Student
Clairem7’s Passage | Grade 9 | 50132156
You would think that since we are all in quarantine, not a lot would happen, and my short story would be boring. Surprisingly, my summer has been quite the opposite, and many interesting and fun things have happened! After I finished my last year of middle school, I was grounded for not working hard enough at school.
…So, my parents got me a PSAT workbook, Lumos Summer Headstart workbook, and I had to complete a lot of work on Khan Academy. After multiple weeks of working hard on all of my summer work, I was finally ungrounded! I was able to go on bike rides, hang out with my family, and talk to my friends on my phone. I have even had some video calls with both friends, and family since we are in quarantine and can’t go and hang out with people. My parents even had a snow cone truck come to our house! Soon all this excitement turned to stress because I found out I could possibly need braces. A few days later I had gotten braces! They were really annoying. It was harder to chew, I had to brush my teeth better, I started to talk weird, and worst of all I couldn’t eat as much. And if braces weren’t bad enough, I also had to get a Herbst appliance put in my mouth. The appliance moves my jaw forward, but I have to pronounce things even more for people to understand what I say. A couple of weeks later our parents surprised us with getting a dog! Her name is Zoe, we adopted her from an animal shelter that rescued her from an abusive owner, she has started to get used to my family. Zoe is an adorable playful puppy that also enjoys cuddles. I love the new member of our family! I also just got my schedule for my first year of high school. I am really excited because I have classes like ceramics, painting/drawing, and Japanese! I texted a lot of my friends, and found out I have a ton of them in my classes! My 14th Birthday is on September 7, and I got to go on Amazon and make a list of all the things I would want. I found a lot of cute room decor and some merch from my favorite shows. I picked a nice desk, a white faux fur chair, and some LED lights that you put on your wall, and can use a remote to change the colors! During the summer I have overcome many challenges, but I have had fun along the way! My 14th birthday and my first day of high school are coming up, and I couldn’t be any more excited. I will miss summer, but I am excited to see what will happen next!
Author George’s Remarks:
Well written ( (grammar, punctuation, sentence structure) except that telling the entire story in one paragraph makes the paragraph too long, and could be intimidating to your readers.
Start a new paragraph at these places, because each one introduces a new event: After multiple weeks, Soon all this excitement, A couple of weeks later, I also just got my schedule, My 14th Birthday is on September 7, and During the summer.
Your writing describes several different events, and your writing style makes your readers feel like you are talking to them, which is very good. You also provide a lot of detail.
In your first paragraph you say “and many interesting and fun things have happened!” and you then go on to give examples that support this statement. Was also good to include the activities you did when ungrounded. Good description of the entire dental incident (braces and Herbst appliance). Your expression of your emotions about these events help your readers relate to you as a real person.
Your last two sentences give a good indication of your feelings about hour summer experiences and your positive outlook about the future.
Summer Competition Entry by Arianna, Grade 5 Student
My name is Arianna. I am 10 years old. This summer has been very different for me, so I would love to share it with you. Normally, I would go to camp, see all of my friends, and go out. But, because of COVID-19, I can’t do those things. This summer, I have been staying home, so I am trying to make the best of it… I have been doing art, swimming, and I have been playing sports outside. I have also learned some things like how to bake and how to play piano. I also got my pool fixed this summer, so I have really been enjoying swimming, too!
Here is an example of a typical summer day. First, I wake up and eat breakfast. Then, I normally watch TV or do community service. Next, I go swimming with my sister. After that, I have lunch and I talk to my friends on Facetime. A lot of my friends are saying that this is the worst summer ever, but, honestly this is one of my favorite summers I have ever had.
Author George’s Remarks:
Well written ( (grammar, punctuation, sentence structure). The sentence “This summer has been…” tells the reader what the story will be about, which is good to place at the beginning. Good detailed description of the activities you have been doing. Nice positive upbeat attitude expressed in the concluding sentence.
Summer Competition Entry by Leah Hanley, Grade 9 Student
“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t, change your attitude.” As soon as I shut my computer for the summer, I was instantly filled with giddy excitement. “ I can finally travel to Punta Cana! “ I simultaneously thought. I couldn’t help but automatically beam an eager, infinite smile.…My family and I were as filled as a jelly donut with intense excitement. However, due to the national quarantine, we were forced to cancel our dream vacation. Understandably, our hearts immediately sank down to our knees; however, we chose to hold, and display, a positive outlook. Instead of feeling miserable all week, we chose to visit the beach. We rode the amusing waves, tanned under the warm sun, and we even went out to lunch! Additionally, I was counting down the seemingly endless days until I could visit my Grandmother. Unfortunately, I was incapable of visiting her due to the quarantine; nevertheless, I chose to hold a similar, positive outlook. While we could not participate in the countless exciting activities that we had previously planned, we could still Facetime each other. Although I could not taste her one-of-a-kind cooking, we could still create unforgettable memories. Sometimes, life throws an impeding curveball at you. In that moment, you can either sit back and feel upset about the golden ball that you could have experienced, or you can step up to the plate, swing your bat back, and hit a home run! Ultimately, as the one-and-only Maya Angelou once wisely declared, “ If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.”
Author George’s Remarks:
Well written (grammar, punctuation, sentence structure). What a great life lesson you begin your story with “If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t, change your attitude.” And you follow through by giving examples of how you adhered to that life lesson in your story. By describing your emotions you help your readers relate to you as a real person, as if you and they are having a personal conversation. Good use of a simile “filled as a jelly donut.” Correct the spelling of impending.
“In that moment, you can either sit back and feel upset about the golden ball that you could have experienced, or you can step up to the plate, swing your bat back, and hit a home run!” is a good example of a philosophy for living your life and also is an example of a metaphor or an allegory.
Instead of placing this at the end of the story, I would place this text: Ultimately, as the one-and-only Maya Angelou once wisely declared, “If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.” at the beginning of the story, and make the last sentence this text: Remember, “If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.”
Summer Competition Entry by Bismaharif, Grade 7 Student
My summer was everything but predictable. I mean sure, I should have seen it coming when my mom handed me summer practice books. Though if she hadn’t, this paper wouldn’t exist. Back to my point. The coronavirus sneaked up on everyone this year.…Now I’m stuck at home with only TV and reread books to entertain myself. My parents are repeatedly telling me to stop and do something different for fun. This is how my day usually starts: I get up from screaming voices. Lazily make breakfast for myself, then watch TV….yada yada……and somehow the day ends with me doing the dishes and going to a much needed sleep. When I left remote learning I thought summer would be great. But I can’t wait for school to start. Although there were a few surprises in store for me. For example, one of my best friends got a new sister, and my hoverboard came way earlier than I expected. But one of the biggest surprises was the big storm that came one boring afternoon. I was watching Tv (as usual) with my sisters and the wind howled outside and thrashed and shook the trees. The lights flickered and turned off. My parents came down and we all gawked at the storm outside. Three of our trees fell/broke. One of them fell from its roots directly to our neighbors patio! Me and my sister screamed. After we all calmed down, we heated our food on our grill for at least five days! Yes, five whole days without power. I remember being miserable and waiting for the power to come back. Then suddenly on the fifth day everyone was trying to relax, then the power came back and everyone one was suddenly screaming with joy! I was so happy to see my TV again, that I realized how lucky I am. Now I know that I should be thankful for what I have. Summer was a great surprise with a good reslut. Summer is almost over now, so whatever life throws at me, I can take it. (Maybe summer wasn’t that bad after all.)
Author George’s Remarks:
Well written ( (grammar, punctuation, sentence structure) except that telling the entire story in one paragraph makes the paragraph too long, and could be intimidating to your readers.
Create 2 new paragraphs at “Although there were a few surprises”, “Then suddenly on the fifth day.”
You certainly do a good job of expressing your emotions. In the beginning you are “down” and “negative” about what the summer will be like and actually is like when summer starts.
But then you get positive about the surprises that occurred, but then scared when the tree falls and miserable when the power goes out then happy and joyful when the power returns.
Besides describing your emotions, you write clear descriptions of the events that happened.
“I get up from screaming voices.“ is not clear. Do you mean you wake up to screaming voices? Whose voices and why are they screaming? Correct the spelling of “reslut” to “result.”
You make it clear in your last 5 sentences how you feel about the summer and life in general “…so whatever life throws at me, I can take it.”, and express a very positive attitude toward your life.
Summer Competition Entry by StellaMcCroskey, Grade 7 Student
This summer has been crazy for everyone, what with the coronavirus and all, but my life has added to it. At the beginning of summer, my last grandparent passed away.…Before that I had had stomach issues so I was in the hospital getting my first ever surgery. Four days after that we went to her funeral. I was okay, though. After that I started writing a book for my disabled friend, although it’s not quite done. Midsummer I had my first scope and MRI. I’ve been keeping myself busy when I’m not doing school by taking care of my bearded dragon, reading, and lately packing to move. We are taking it slow because someone has to come fix our porch so our house can be sold. While we wait, I plan to get ready for school, finish my book, and do some more art. This summer has been hectic but we got through it together.
Author George’s Remarks:
Well written ( (grammar, punctuation, sentence structure). You give examples of why the summer has been crazy (grandparent dying, surgery) which supports your statement about it being crazy. Your story begins with a depressing tone (no wonder) but then conveys a more positive tone (“I was okay, though”). The rest of the story describes clearly your activities for the rest of the summer. Explain about your bearded dragon – you are leaving the reader wondering what it is. Your last two sentences end the story with you having a positive, appreciative outlook.
The Wheels On The Bike Go Round And Round by Ifra Buhari, Grade 9 Student
Did you know the Eiffel Tower actually grows in the summer? (“20 Fun Facts About Summer – Summertime Is Here!”) Speaking of summer, let’s see how mine concluded. This summer was interesting.…Some might even say the most interesting summer, which says a lot considering all the activities that could be done during this time of year. Don’t take that in a good way though, just because it’s interesting doesn’t mean it was enjoyable. However, I did make some phenomenal memories with my family and friends, which is not a surprise owing to the fact that I’ve been stuck with them for 5 months. I guess now you’re wondering why I’m persuading you to believe that summer 2020 sucked. Well, you can thank the CoronaVirus, and not only did it affect my summer, but it affected the entire world too. Nonetheless this summer was fun in its own way thanks to my family and friends, and endless biking.
Biking saved my life. If I didn’t go on any bike rides, I might as well have died from boredom. It all started when my friend, Sahi, and I got together one day and decided that we would go biking. We had nothing else to do, all we were doing at that time was watching spooky stories and eating chips. We were getting very out of shape, so we wanted to do something that would get us active. Our neighborhood is next to Walgreens, Target, Orange Leaf, and Chipotle, which are amusing places to go to have food or get some new clothes if you desire. So, we decided to go to Orange Leaf and get a quick snack then head back home. We told our parents that we wanted to go biking, and by the look of their faces you would have thought that we told them that we memorized 100 numbers of pi. After we said all our farewells, we biked to our destination. On our way there are two main roads that you have to cross full of accelerated cars. We successfully made it out alive on both roads, but still concerned that we would have to do it again when we come back. After 20 minutes of cycling, we completed our journey to Orange Leaf. Sahi and I both ordered our icecreams and sat out in the blazing hot sun enjoying our ice cream to the very last bite. And that’s when we knew that we were going to be biking here frequently.
To this day we still hop on our bikes and go biking whenever we can. We’ve explored many places that are just as intriguing, for instance Old Navy, a trendy, modern clothing store. And the days that we can’t go to places afar, we find pleasure biking around the neighborhood or at the local park. Overall, biking really made my summer delightful, even with Covid around, and I will definitely be looking forward to doing so much more in the future.
Author George’s Remarks:
Well written (grammar, punctuation, sentence structure), except I would separate the text into 2 additional paragraphs, beginning with the following text: “Biking saved my life.” and
“To this day” because the text will be less intimidating to a reader and because the subject matter changes from the prior paragraph.
The title is very representative of the story content. You give mixed messages in the first paragraph. On one hand, this summer was interesting with phenomenal memories and “fun in its own way.” which are positive statements. On the other hand, “just because it’s interesting doesn’t mean it was enjoyable.” and “summer 2020 sucked. Well, you can thank the CoronaVirus, and not only did it affect my summer, but it affected the entire world too.” which are negative statements. You have chosen to leave it up to the reader to identify why it sucked.
The section that began with “Biking saved my life.” included content that supported how and why biking saved your life. Very good descriptions of the activities that were conducted, which gave a positive tone to the story. These same characteristics carried over in the last section (“To this day we still hop on our bikes…”).
The last sentence summarizes your feeling about the biking experiences in that summer (which a good conclusion should do) and is optimistic biking will continue.
The Gift of Time by Pranavi Sharma, Grade 7 Student
Every summer, I always have something to do. I am always as busy as a bee, working hard to complete my tasks for the day so I can enjoy time later on. My mom would sign me up for day camps, or make sure I did some sort of studying for the next grade.…I was always working non stop. However, this summer, none of that happened. When the virus struck our country almost 5 months ago, we were all shook. Never had we experienced a monstrosity like this, something that tore through the states like a killing machine, making sure everyone was impacted. Now, after so many weeks of staying home and adapting to this change, I finally realized something. I hadn’t been using this abundant amount of time that has been given to me wisely. Maybe I actually did, but I hadn’t realized it yet, or I just needed to clear my head and set things straight. But either way, I still had not solved the problem completely. Schools were closed, as well as camps and extracurricular activities. Everything was now online and being done at home. I had so much time on my hands, yet I felt like I was not using any of it appropriately. Sure, I had been studying and doing art, but there was something missing. I had not got the chance to talk to my comrades or talk to anyone else besides family, so everything was just a blur. Time was ticking by, and the months were just rushing away, each minute affecting me deeply. Then one night, I once again realised something. I really had made use of time. All those moments I had spent laughing with my family, spending time with them at the dinner table, and learning new things from them was using time wisely. I realised how lucky I was to still be with my family during these unprecedented times, and how I still had everything I needed. Sure, schools closed down and there is nowhere to go that is safe anymore, but at least I wasn’t alone. I had a family, and that was enough for me. Spending all those hours studying and playing with my younger brother, and cooking with my parents was not a waste of time, but rather an accomplishment. The gift of time can create moments that last as a memory forever, and can prove to bring people crucial acheivements.
Author George’s Remarks:
Well written (grammar, punctuation, sentence structure), except I would separate the text into 2 additional paragraphs, beginning with the following text: “When the virus struck our country”, and “Then one night, I once again realised something.” because the text will be less intimidating to a reader and because the subject matter changes from the prior paragraph.
The first part of the story described what your past summers had been like, but then contrasted that with the present summer that was changed by the virus, and the concept of time was mentioned frequently, which lent credence to the title of the story “The Gift of Time.” Nice use of a simile comparing the virus that “ tore through the states” to a killing machine.
You then describe exactly how the virus affected your life and thinking, especially with regard to your use of time, again justifying your story title. You then had an epiphany- you realized that you had not wasted time but had used it differently, namely in spending quality time with your family, and you reached a wonderful conclusion: “Spending all those hours studying and playing with my younger brother, and cooking with my parents was not a waste of time, but rather an accomplishment.”
Your conclusion, expressed in the last sentence, expressed a wise statement about the gift of time. Note: correct the spelling of achievements.
Summer Competition Entry by Nehemiah, Grade 5 Student
Some of the fun things I did this summer was going to the park with my cousins, mom and dad, and uncle and aunt. On July 12 I got something I wanted for 2 years, it was a PlayStation 4.…I played my favorite games madden 20 and lego star wars. Now I am saving up for madden 21. I also had fun doing Lumoslearning and reading for 1 hour and sometimes more! My favorite hobby is sports like football, soccer, basketball, and Ice hockey. I have a next-door neighbor who we call MJ that is 5grade about to be in 6. We are into football so we also practice together every day. My other favorite thing to do is play video games. I love my video games so much that I play them 5 hours straight. Me and my family made a schedule to do every day. We do bible study every day to learn about the word of god.
Author George’s Remarks:
Well written (grammar, punctuation, sentence structure). Detailed description of what you did during the summer. Replace “Lumoslearning” with the “Lumos Learning workbook”
Change “MJ that is 5grade about to be in 6” to “MJ who is in 5th grade about to be in 6th.”
That is a thing; who is a person. Change “god” to “God.”
This summer has definitely been one to remember. Besides a global pandemic and a very lengthy quarantine, there were lots of amazing summer experiences
After a very long Minnesotan winter being stuck inside from the cold and the virus, I was thrilled when June 1st arrived. Although technically the first day of Summer wouldn’t happen until the 20th, that day felt amazing. Everyday my siblings and I would go outside and play, ride bikes, and play Handball ( we got hooked ever since our mom introduced the game to us.)
…
After that, nothing really mentionable happened until July 4th. Fourth of July is my favorite holiday because I love fireworks! We had burgers and sweet potato fries. In addition, we had watermelon and my personal favorite, root beer floats!!!! When it got dark enough, we shot off our own fireworks and then watched the local fireworks.
Exactly 2 weeks after the Fourth, it was my birthday! I turned 13 that morning and it was a beautiful Saturday too. After I opened presents and ate a very special blueberry pancake breakfast, we went swimming. We found a waterpark that was open and it had 3 waterslides, a diving board, and several pools. We were swimming for 3 hours so by the time 4 o’clock came around we were exhausted. But we had a tradition, every year we would go to Benihanna, a Japanese restaurant where they cook the food in front of you and make onion volcanoes. It was an amazing day, full of family, swimming, delicious food, and of course presents!
Days later, mystery arrived at the front door. 3 huge boxes were delivered. We heard the UPS truck and ran downstairs to see what arrived. Our parents surprised us with a 15 foot trampoline!! I was so excited. But right when we started putting it together, my finger got jammed into the metal frame! I lost half of my nail and it was bleeding a lot but at the end it was all worth it. We bounced for a good 2 hours that night in the scorching heat. We went on the trampoline everyday jumping, doing tricks, and playing soccer and “don’t touch the ball.”
2 weeks ago, we won a contest for 1 military family to go on a boat for a day. My siblings and I have never been on a boat so we were super excited! After a 1 hour drive, we arrived at the lake. When the truck drove into the parking lot we were shocked. It was a huge 16-person green boat. It was printed with eagles and stars too. We were also going to wakeboard for the first time. After we got on, we backed up into the lake. We rode to the spot and stopped. My brother tried wakeboarding first. It looked super hard. HE managed to get up a couple of times. Soon, it was my turn. There were so many things to think about. Bend your legs, keep your arms straight, hold your balance and more. I got up 12 times. After we all went, we got off the boat and went home. We were all super tired.
This summer was super fun and I had a lot of fun experiences. I loved creating memories with my family and friends and I cannot wait to create more.
Author George’s Remarks:
Well written (grammar, punctuation, sentence structure), except I would separate the text into 4 additional paragraphs, beginning with the following text: After a very long Minnesotan winter…, Exactly 2 weeks after the Fourth…, 2 weeks ago, we won a contest for 1 military family…This summer was super fun… The reason for separating the text into additional paragraphs is because the text will be less intimidating to a reader and because the subject matter changes from the prior paragraph.
The statement in the introductory sentence “This summer has definitely been one to remember.” is supported by descriptions of why it was one to remember (good).
A very positive, upbeat, happy tone to this part of the story. This tone continues in the description of your fourth of July experience and into the part about your birthday.
Your last two sentences summarize the story nicely.
On the whole, your descriptions of all the events and activities were very detailed.
Make the Best of It by Riane Bailey, Grade 9 Student
Here’s a story about a girl named Riane, who sat and day-dreamed about all of the fun end-of-year festivities.
“And that’s the homework for tonight class!”…
“Aww man.” Riane groaned in her head “I day-dreamed through the homework?”
But the worst was yet to come.
“And one last announcement class – due to the COVID -19 pandemic, we are preparing you to be off for the next two weeks or more.” The teacher concluded.
The class stirred “This can NOT be possible!!” Riane shouted.
She knew her summer was over. She was supposed to graduate this summer. Spend time with friends and family, go to the amusement park too. Or maybe it wasn’t ruined. As the next two weeks passed, Riane had hope they would be going back to school soon.
“This can’t be that bad,” Riane thought “We should be going back to school soon enough.” Days ran into weeks and weeks into months of online learning. Riane was able to see friends and teachers during online classes; but it was not the same. She wanted to cry but something brought her back, “Pull yourself together Riane,” She thought “You will not let this pandemic stop you from having fun!” And with this personal advice, she got to work!
She started with brushing up on her Spanish. “¿Mi encanta Español, y tu?” meaning “I love Spanish, and you?” She spoke into the microphone to make sure she was pronouncing the phrase correctly. When she was done with Spanish, two other languages wanted to befriend her, calling her name. She pursued them both, learning Mandarin Chinese and Swahili. But then, a language much stronger, and more attractive than the others approached and its name was American Sign Language. ASL won the battle of the languages and had Riane wrapped around its fingers, no pun intended, and she fell in love and enjoyed using her hands to spell out the words and phrases (I would quote her phrases for you; but you can’t read ASL on paper, you would have to be there to see it.)
In early July she bought her first guitar. This made her and her father extremely happy; because she was finally buying something with her own money. “So, after you buy the guitar are you going to start buying all of your stuff?” Of course, he was kidding and they laughed about it. She started with basic fingerings and then learned chords. While at first her fingers were in a battle with the strings. Causing extreme pain, but then the beautiful princess signed a peace treaty with the fingers and had her “callus” guards to protect Rianes fingers from the strings. Now it was a delight to play her guitar. By the time it was late August Riane reflected on all of the wonderful things she has done and remembers this, “The situation doesn’t make the best of you, you make the best of the situation!”
Author George’s Remarks:
Well written (grammar, punctuation, sentence structure), except I would combine sentences 2 through 7 into one paragraph since they are all related. “But the worst was yet to come.” is a good example of the foreshadowing technique. Also, add this text to the first sentence: “that she was looking forward to.”
You did a good job of describing your emotions – disappointment to hope to disappointment, then a change in attitude to determination “You will not let this pandemic stop you from having fun!” This supports the title “Make the Best of it.”
You then describe the work you did, which supports the statement “And with this personal advice, she got to work!” Good use of the personification technique (“ two other languages wanted to befriend her, calling her name” and “But then, a language much stronger, and more attractive than the others approached.”). The pun telling that the ASL language “had Riane wrapped around its fingers” is humorous since ASL uses hands and fingers to communicate to its audience.
The concluding sentence, “The situation doesn’t make the best of you, you make the best of the situation!” contains words of wisdom to live one’s life by
And supports the title. One additional thought: change the tense of the following words in the last sentence so they have the same tense as “reflected”: “…she had done and remembered this, ….”
By appearance, I’m pretty much an average, spirited ten-year-old girl, somewhat precocious, with dark brown hair, that I would venture to say is black, and naturally matching brown eyes. I live with my mother, father, and older brother in our one-story home, although I always imagine an upstairs.…At home, and mostly in my head, I am considered a part-time TV producer, songwriter, ice skater, illustrator, author, (although the last three are real) including voice-over-artist for the leading role on a radio drama, which is to be launched shortly.
Four months ago, I was offered the leading role in my mom’s short story, which was to be featured on our podcast. Of course, I said yes, and began recording immediately.
My house has since been filled to the brim with excitement of every kind.
As for this summer, COVID-19 has taken center stage for my family, but we continue to persevere. The trials are no small thing.
Though our outings have become more exciting since going is rare, it did not spoil my summer. Writing has become my favorite pastime now.
Although the Fourth of July has passed, it was full of wonder and spectacle. Around
eight-thirty that night, we made ready for a fireworks display that started at nine-thirty. I eagerly watched as cars came up the road and lined the block as if a great orator had stepped on the stage. I waited as the seconds strolled by, although it was just a few minutes. As fireworks blasted and exploded in the air, I thought of everything that united this great nation, America. The crowd obviously felt the same as they broke into song, America the Beautiful. We soon came home, and before I went to sleep, images of the fireworks and The Star- Spangled Banner played back in my mind. I felt everything as though I had just won the American Revolutionary War. I can put down my pen, I can put down my paper, but I will not put down my nation. Nothing could tell me otherwise.
I have given up on the normal for the exceptional. This means I have given up on the “every day” for the worthwhile.
I guess people think I am different, but I am —what God has made me. I would never give up the uniqueness of my life for anything less, you have my word on that; so, one to get set, two to get ready, and three —to Go!
Author George’s Remarks:
Well written (grammar, punctuation, sentence structure), very detailed and descriptive.
First Paragraph: A nice introduction about your personality, physical characteristics, and setting for the story (your home and family).
Second paragraph: Good description of real and imagined talent. I assume it is your parents, brother and you who considers you all these things. Mostly in my head – humorous comment. Give more details about the radio drama.
Third paragraph: Give more details about the podcast and nice comment about the mood in your house.
Fourth paragraph: Explain the trials (ex. wearing masks, not visiting friends, not going out to restaurants etc.). Why were the outings more exciting? “Writing has become my favorite pastime now.” – give more detail – what were you writing about?
Fifth paragraph: Nice, detailed description of the July 4th event, and your feelings about America. Nice use of the simile technique “as if a great orator had stepped on the stage.”
Sixth paragraph: “I have given up on the normal for the exceptional.” I need to see an explanation as to what you mean – examples?