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Summer Learning Short Stories

“This summer has been a unique experience for me. Wearing a mask, over washing my hands, and being socially distanced was not what I had in mind for the season, but I got to see the world from a different perspective. “This summer has been a unique experience for me. Wearing a mask, over washing my hands, and being socially distanced was not what I had in mind for the season, but I got to see the world from a different perspective. “This summer has been a unique experience for me. Wearing a mask, over washing my hands, and being socially distanced was not what I had in mind for the season, but I got to see the world from a different perspective. “This summer has been a unique experience for me. Wearing a mask, over washing my hands, and being socially distanced was not what I had in mind for the season, but I got to see the world from a different perspective. “This summer has been a unique experience for me. Wearing a mask, over washing my hands, and being socially distanced was not what I had in mind for the season, but I got to see the world from a different perspective. “This summer has been a unique experience for me. Wearing a mask, over washing my hands, and being socially distanced was not what I had in mind for the season, but I got to see the world from a different perspective. “This summer has been a unique experience for me. Wearing a mask, over washing my hands, and being socially distanced was not what I had in mind for the season, but I got to see the world from a different perspective.

SUMMER EXPERIENCE by Mackenzie Dougherty, Grade 9 Student

“This summer has been a unique experience for me. Wearing a mask, over washing my hands, and being socially distanced was not what I had in mind for the season, but I got to see the world from a different perspective.

While I didn’t get to participate in volleyball, marching band, or take a vacation, I was able to obtain valuable information I wouldn’t have gained otherwise.

Crystalee Calderwood

Author George’s Remarks:

Well written (grammar, punctuation, sentence structure) with thoughts clearly expressed and details provided. First paragraph: Good explanation as to why this summer was a unique experience. Also, you said you got to see the world from a different perspective, which makes me as a reader interested in finding out what you meant, but you did not elaborate. Second paragraph: And sure enough, you did explain the things you did that gave you a different perspective (from what you would have ordinarily been doing if the virus had not occurred). Third paragraph: Good summary statement of the story

Detailed Report

Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
SUMMER EXPERIENCE by Aneeq Rasheed, Grade 9 Student

Hi. My name is Aneeq Rasheed. This summer experience was full of not really getting out of the house and always wearing a mask if when I did get out of the house.

Crystalee Calderwood

Author George’s Remarks:

You did a good job explaining what this summer was like for you. Suggestions for changes to the text:
1. This summer experience was full of not really getting out of the house and always wearing a mask if when I did get out of the house.
2. The worst part of this summer (O or the whole year) was that I wasn’t allowed to go to my friends’ houses. Most of my summer the time I spent was playing outside or sitting home. I then got this Summer Learning Headstart (Special Edition) book and I actually really like it. After a while of While I was studying, I saw this page with the Lumos Short Story Competition 2020, and I couldn’t resist but to enter entering this competition, and that is how my summer has been.(so far).

Detailed Report

Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
SUMMER EXPERIENCE by Aidan Moore, Grade 3 Student

My summer has been great! I’ve had a lot of great experiences and fun. What I enjoyed about summer is that I could play on my electronics.

The thing I didn’t like about summer is that my dad made us do school work. EVEN ON THE WEEKEND’S. ! But, we eventually had gotten over it.

Crystalee Calderwood

Author George’s Remarks:

Well written (grammar, punctuation, sentence structure) with interesting details about how you spent your summer.
First paragraph: Good explanation of why your summer has been great.
Second paragraph: Having to do homework on weekends – very funny. Question: “But, we eventually had gotten over it.” Over what, your homework? Maybe better to say “finished it.”
Suggested changes: So, the The only reason. we have been out of the house is for doctors’ appointments except that A few days later, my parents bought a house. We did a lot of moving, taking stuck stuff to the dump, and donating! Anyway, that’s all what we did for the summer. Goodbye!

Detailed Report

Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Finding Fun during a Pandemic by Lillian Olson, Grade 4 Student

This was a weird summer. We did not travel because of COVID-19 and stayed mostly at home and outside around our house. Even when I saw my friends, it was unusual. This summer, I worked and made money helping my parents.

Crystalee Calderwood

Author George’s Remarks:

Well written (grammar, punctuation, sentence structure), interesting details.
First paragraph: Good explanation of why this was a weird summer.” Even when I saw my friends, it was unusual.” – In what way?
Second paragraph: Detailed, descriptive explanation of how you spent your time indoors and what new skills you learned.
Third paragraph: Detailed, descriptive explanation of how you spent your time outdoors.
Fourth paragraph: Good explanation of your statement about how you interacted differently with your friends.
Fifth paragraph: Suggested change: I helped clean my parents’ Airbnb, which This was busier…
Last paragraph: Good summary of this story.

Detailed Report

Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
A Summer Like No Other by Riley Olson, grade 7 Student

My 2020 Summer experience was like no other I have ever had! Because of the pandemic, I have learned new skills such as baking and building.

The summer started off by shredding my homework and throwing it in to our compost bin. Using the dirt from the compost, we then planted pineapple, squash, zucchini, watermelon, potatoes, lettuce, garbanzo beans, snap peas and a variety of tomatoes. To make our home more self-reliant, we purchased 15 hens and 3 roosters to lay eggs.

Crystalee Calderwood

Author George’s Remarks:

Well written (grammar, punctuation, sentence structure), interesting, detailed. You supported your introductory statement “My 2020 summer experience was like no other I have ever had!” by giving examples of why it was different – good. Just curious – I would have explained why you did not have to hand in your homework and instead could shred it. Suggest that this phrase “To make our home more self-reliant” be placed in front of “Using the dirt from the compost” since the plantings also made your home more self-reliant, just as the purchase of the chickens and rooster did. Detailed, interesting explanation of how your father advanced you a step further into your hobby. You supported your statement “It was also a summer of learning new skills and trades” by giving specific examples – good. Your conclusion is a good summary of this story.

Detailed Report

Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Summer Competition Entry by Fox Kiewel, Grade 9 Student

Well, let’s start off with the fact that I started Lumos Learning early. I am writing this in June. So this is not my whole summer.

Starting off, staying in the house this whole summer was very interesting. I got to do a lot of things with my family and I rarely went outside. I mostly played the new Animal Crossing on my Nintendo Switch. I also played Pokémon Shield. But, this summer isn’t all about video games

Crystalee Calderwood

Author George’s Remarks:

In general, well written (grammar, punctuation, sentence structure). Interesting, detailed, descriptive story. Paragraph 2: Delete: “Starting off” (is not necessary to say) and begin with “Staying.” Good – you gave examples to support the statement “staying in the house…very interesting.” Add Paragraph 3 “It’s about…” to the last sentence in Paragraph 2, because it completes the sentence. Paragraph 4 (California trip) gives good detailed descriptions of what you were thinking about and also what you did there. You can add Paragraph 6 “Then when it was over…” to Paragraph 5 “Well what I do remember…” since they both relate to homework. Give details of the homework fight – not clear what that was about. Paragraph 7 (camping trip) gives good detailed descriptions. Add Paragraph 8 “I also got to play…” to Paragraph 7. Paragraph 9 and 10 give good descriptions of activities. Explain how you got the money to buy the “bus one: Lego set.

Detailed Report

Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Summer Competition Entry by Lilyan, Grade 9 Student

This year, summer seemed different. I couldn’t see my friends, and I couldn’t go to my summer camp. Though, I felt this summer was the best summer. I wrote letters with friends.

Crystalee Calderwood

Author George’s Remarks:

In general, well written (grammar, punctuation, sentence structure) with a lot of detail. Good – you gave examples of your statement “summer seemed different” and why “this summer was the best summer.” Did you mean wrote letters with friends or to friends? Explain – “I saw my family grow,”. Was there a baby born, or what? If you “…understood that what I had I would take for granted.” then if you understood it and appreciated it, why would you take it for granted? I would think you would not take it for granted. I suggest that you delete these two sentences “I guess that’s how this whole summer went” and “2020 was a very interesting summer, not one I will forget.” because you summed up your feelings about the summer in the last sentence, so these earlier sentences are redundant.

Detailed Report

Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Summer Competition Entry by Iamamh, Grade 9 Student

“In a blink of an eye, my middle school life was over. This started the summer of 2020. Once I was released from school, I didn’t really expect much to happen during the summer, since we are in the middle of a pandemic.

Crystalee Calderwood

Author George’s Remarks:

Author George’s Remarks: Very well written (grammar, punctuation, sentence structure), lots of detail. Make this story easier for a reader by dividing it up into several paragraphs. Start new paragraphs with “For instance” and “Besides doing gymnastics” and “Lastly I’ve been able”. Good introductory sentences set the stage for the story. Good examples supporting the statement “However, I was able to do some fun activities…” Explain – what new skills were learned at the gym? Add to guidelines: “because of the pandemic.” Shorten “it eventually went back to being” to “eventually I was able to.” Good closing sentence – it summarizes your feelings..

Detailed Report

Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Summer Competition Entry by Jyri Carhee, Grade 8 Student

Hello! My name is Jyri Carhee, and I am here to talk to you about how my summer went. It all started when Covid-19 hit. I had basically summer with a sickness around the world.

Crystalee Calderwood

Author George’s Remarks:

Good introductory sentence telling the reader what the story is about. Very positive, upbeat tone to the story. “But as summer went, so did Covid. It was going away,…” This phrasing is a little awkward, so I suggest a different phrasing, such as: “But later on in the summer, Covid infections went way down, which was really exciting for me.” You did a good job of explaining why the rest of the summer was exciting for you. The conclusion, beginning with “But, you know what,…” is very well done because it summarizes what you did, and expresses your positive feelings about the summer.

Detailed Report

Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Summer Competition Entry by Galactic, Grade 8 Student

My summer was extremely enjoyable. Although COVID was at large, I still was able to go out and have fun. A church by the name of Brookside Baptist Church allowed me to participate in a camping trip at Green Lake.

Crystalee Calderwood

Author George’s Remarks:

Very well written (grammar, punctuation, sentence structure) with well-described details of the activities you did. The two introductory sentences convey your positive attitude toward your summer. You gave many examples to support your statement about having fun. You could start a new paragraph with “Not only…” because the first paragraph is very long. Very upbeat and positive closing sentence.

Detailed Report

Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Summer Competition Entry by Tedkang, Grade 8 Student

When someone mentions the word “summer,” I imagine the sun shining above me, palm trees dancing with the wind, and the beautiful ocean. I thought this summer was going to be awesome, since I live in San Diego.

Crystalee Calderwood

Author George’s Remarks:

Well written (grammar, punctuation, sentence structure). Imaginative description of your images of what summer is like,followed by your expectations of what you would be doing followed by the reason these expectations were not going to be met and a detailed description of the results of the cancellations on you and on others. Suggest a new paragraph where the words “During the week…” appear. Then a detailed description of your dull summer routines after school closed and how a learning experience benefited you by increasing your enthusiasm for the material. Then a good concluding statement that summarized how your feelings ended up on a positive note. Last sentence: instead of “it might not be” shouldn’t it say “it was” because you are looking back on the summer?

Detailed Report

Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Summer Competition Entry by Hi0813, Grade 9 Student

This summer, because of Covid-19, I stayed in for most of the time and pigged out. I would work in the Lumos workbook, watch a couple of movies, but most of all . . . I would play with my baby brother. My brother isn’t a baby but I just call him that to annoy him.

Crystalee Calderwood

Author George’s Remarks:

Well written (grammar, punctuation, sentence structure). First sentence is good because it mentions you stayed inside (and the reasons you did), which set the stage to describe in detail what you did while you were inside the house. Very detailed descriptions. One misspelling: should be spelled macaroons. The ;phrase “but most of all . . . I would play” does not need “…”. Interesting name for your group. Break up this long paragraph by starting a new paragraph beginning with “After 6…” Good concluding sentence that tells the reader “the end,”

Detailed Report

Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Summer Competition Entry by Willoughby, Grade 9 Student

This summer was a crazy one. During spring break, which began Friday the 13th, of all times, my sister had to come home early from boarding school. Ellis has severe Angelmans Syndrome, and she is missing 1/2 a chromosome. She has slow physical and mental development, low pigmentation, and a wide set face and teeth.

Crystalee Calderwood

Author George’s Remarks:

Well written (grammar, punctuation, sentence structure). After you stated “This summer was a crazy one” you then explained why that was. You used very descriptive language to describe the home environment and the care required by your sibling. The story communicated a difficult situation that should make anyone who is compassionate respect the fact that you, as a 7th grader, had to assume duties usually assigned to an adult parent or adult caretaker. Correct spelling Is environment, not enviroment.

Detailed Report

Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Summer Competition Entry by Clairem, Grade 9 Student

Clairem7’s Passage | Grade 9 | 50132156 You would think that since we are all in quarantine, not a lot would happen, and my short story would be boring. Surprisingly, my summer has been quite the opposite, and many interesting and fun things have happened! After I finished my last year of middle school, I was grounded for not working hard enough at school.

Crystalee Calderwood

Author George’s Remarks:

Well written ( (grammar, punctuation, sentence structure) except that telling the entire story in one paragraph makes the paragraph too long, and could be intimidating to your readers. Start a new paragraph at these places, because each one introduces a new event: After multiple weeks, Soon all this excitement, A couple of weeks later, I also just got my schedule, My 14th Birthday is on September 7, and During the summer. Your writing describes several different events, and your writing style makes your readers feel like you are talking to them, which is very good. You also provide a lot of detail. In your first paragraph you say “and many interesting and fun things have happened!” and you then go on to give examples that support this statement. Was also good to include the activities you did when ungrounded. Good description of the entire dental incident (braces and Herbst appliance). Your expression of your emotions about these events help your readers relate to you as a real person. Your last two sentences give a good indication of your feelings about hour summer experiences and your positive outlook about the future.

Detailed Report

Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Summer Competition Entry by Arianna, Grade 5 Student

My name is Arianna. I am 10 years old. This summer has been very different for me, so I would love to share it with you. Normally, I would go to camp, see all of my friends, and go out. But, because of COVID-19, I can’t do those things. This summer, I have been staying home, so I am trying to make the best of it

Crystalee Calderwood

Author George’s Remarks:

Well written ( (grammar, punctuation, sentence structure). The sentence “This summer has been…” tells the reader what the story will be about, which is good to place at the beginning. Good detailed description of the activities you have been doing. Nice positive upbeat attitude expressed in the concluding sentence.

Detailed Report

Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Summer Competition Entry by Leah Hanley, Grade 9 Student

“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t, change your attitude.” As soon as I shut my computer for the summer, I was instantly filled with giddy excitement. “ I can finally travel to Punta Cana! “ I simultaneously thought. I couldn’t help but automatically beam an eager, infinite smile.

Crystalee Calderwood

Author George’s Remarks:

Well written (grammar, punctuation, sentence structure). What a great life lesson you begin your story with “If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t, change your attitude.” And you follow through by giving examples of how you adhered to that life lesson in your story. By describing your emotions you help your readers relate to you as a real person, as if you and they are having a personal conversation. Good use of a simile “filled as a jelly donut.” Correct the spelling of impending. “In that moment, you can either sit back and feel upset about the golden ball that you could have experienced, or you can step up to the plate, swing your bat back, and hit a home run!” is a good example of a philosophy for living your life and also is an example of a metaphor or an allegory. Instead of placing this at the end of the story, I would place this text: Ultimately, as the one-and-only Maya Angelou once wisely declared, “If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.” at the beginning of the story, and make the last sentence this text: Remember, “If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.”

Detailed Report

Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Summer Competition Entry by Bismaharif, Grade 7 Student

My summer was everything but predictable. I mean sure, I should have seen it coming when my mom handed me summer practice books. Though if she hadn’t, this paper wouldn’t exist. Back to my point. The coronavirus sneaked up on everyone this year.

Crystalee Calderwood

Author George’s Remarks:

Well written ( (grammar, punctuation, sentence structure) except that telling the entire story in one paragraph makes the paragraph too long, and could be intimidating to your readers. Create 2 new paragraphs at “Although there were a few surprises”, “Then suddenly on the fifth day.” You certainly do a good job of expressing your emotions. In the beginning you are “down” and “negative” about what the summer will be like and actually is like when summer starts. But then you get positive about the surprises that occurred, but then scared when the tree falls and miserable when the power goes out then happy and joyful when the power returns. Besides describing your emotions, you write clear descriptions of the events that happened. “I get up from screaming voices.“ is not clear. Do you mean you wake up to screaming voices? Whose voices and why are they screaming? Correct the spelling of “reslut” to “result.” You make it clear in your last 5 sentences how you feel about the summer and life in general “…so whatever life throws at me, I can take it.”, and express a very positive attitude toward your life.

Detailed Report

Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Summer Competition Entry by StellaMcCroskey, Grade 7 Student

This summer has been crazy for everyone, what with the coronavirus and all, but my life has added to it. At the beginning of summer, my last grandparent passed away.

Crystalee Calderwood

Author George’s Remarks:

Well written ( (grammar, punctuation, sentence structure). You give examples of why the summer has been crazy (grandparent dying, surgery) which supports your statement about it being crazy. Your story begins with a depressing tone (no wonder) but then conveys a more positive tone (“I was okay, though”). The rest of the story describes clearly your activities for the rest of the summer. Explain about your bearded dragon – you are leaving the reader wondering what it is. Your last two sentences end the story with you having a positive, appreciative outlook.

Detailed Report

Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
The Wheels On The Bike Go Round And Round by Ifra Buhari, Grade 9 Student

Did you know the Eiffel Tower actually grows in the summer? (“20 Fun Facts About Summer – Summertime Is Here!”) Speaking of summer, let’s see how mine concluded. This summer was interesting.

Crystalee Calderwood

Author George’s Remarks:

Well written (grammar, punctuation, sentence structure), except I would separate the text into 2 additional paragraphs, beginning with the following text: “Biking saved my life.” and “To this day” because the text will be less intimidating to a reader and because the subject matter changes from the prior paragraph. The title is very representative of the story content. You give mixed messages in the first paragraph. On one hand, this summer was interesting with phenomenal memories and “fun in its own way.” which are positive statements. On the other hand, “just because it’s interesting doesn’t mean it was enjoyable.” and “summer 2020 sucked. Well, you can thank the CoronaVirus, and not only did it affect my summer, but it affected the entire world too.” which are negative statements. You have chosen to leave it up to the reader to identify why it sucked. The section that began with “Biking saved my life.” included content that supported how and why biking saved your life. Very good descriptions of the activities that were conducted, which gave a positive tone to the story. These same characteristics carried over in the last section (“To this day we still hop on our bikes…”). The last sentence summarizes your feeling about the biking experiences in that summer (which a good conclusion should do) and is optimistic biking will continue.

Detailed Report

Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
The Gift of Time by Pranavi Sharma, Grade 7 Student

Every summer, I always have something to do. I am always as busy as a bee, working hard to complete my tasks for the day so I can enjoy time later on. My mom would sign me up for day camps, or make sure I did some sort of studying for the next grade.

Crystalee Calderwood

Author George’s Remarks:

Well written (grammar, punctuation, sentence structure), except I would separate the text into 2 additional paragraphs, beginning with the following text: “When the virus struck our country”, and “Then one night, I once again realised something.” because the text will be less intimidating to a reader and because the subject matter changes from the prior paragraph. The first part of the story described what your past summers had been like, but then contrasted that with the present summer that was changed by the virus, and the concept of time was mentioned frequently, which lent credence to the title of the story “The Gift of Time.” Nice use of a simile comparing the virus that “ tore through the states” to a killing machine. You then describe exactly how the virus affected your life and thinking, especially with regard to your use of time, again justifying your story title. You then had an epiphany- you realized that you had not wasted time but had used it differently, namely in spending quality time with your family, and you reached a wonderful conclusion: “Spending all those hours studying and playing with my younger brother, and cooking with my parents was not a waste of time, but rather an accomplishment.” Your conclusion, expressed in the last sentence, expressed a wise statement about the gift of time. Note: correct the spelling of achievements.

Detailed Report

Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Summer Competition Entry by Nehemiah, Grade 5 Student

Some of the fun things I did this summer was going to the park with my cousins, mom and dad, and uncle and aunt. On July 12 I got something I wanted for 2 years, it was a PlayStation 4.

Crystalee Calderwood

Author George’s Remarks:

Well written (grammar, punctuation, sentence structure). Detailed description of what you did during the summer. Replace “Lumoslearning” with the “Lumos Learning workbook” Change “MJ that is 5grade about to be in 6” to “MJ who is in 5th grade about to be in 6th.” That is a thing; who is a person. Change “god” to “God.”

Detailed Report

Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Summer Competition Entry by Nina, Grade 9 Student

This summer has definitely been one to remember. Besides a global pandemic and a very lengthy quarantine, there were lots of amazing summer experiences

After a very long Minnesotan winter being stuck inside from the cold and the virus, I was thrilled when June 1st arrived. Although technically the first day of Summer wouldn’t happen until the 20th, that day felt amazing. Everyday my siblings and I would go outside and play, ride bikes, and play Handball ( we got hooked ever since our mom introduced the game to us.)

Crystalee Calderwood

Author George’s Remarks:

Well written (grammar, punctuation, sentence structure), except I would separate the text into 4 additional paragraphs, beginning with the following text: After a very long Minnesotan winter…, Exactly 2 weeks after the Fourth…, 2 weeks ago, we won a contest for 1 military family…This summer was super fun… The reason for separating the text into additional paragraphs is because the text will be less intimidating to a reader and because the subject matter changes from the prior paragraph. The statement in the introductory sentence “This summer has definitely been one to remember.” is supported by descriptions of why it was one to remember (good). A very positive, upbeat, happy tone to this part of the story. This tone continues in the description of your fourth of July experience and into the part about your birthday. Your last two sentences summarize the story nicely. On the whole, your descriptions of all the events and activities were very detailed.

Detailed Report

Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Make the Best of It by Riane Bailey, Grade 9 Student

Here’s a story about a girl named Riane, who sat and day-dreamed about all of the fun end-of-year festivities.

“And that’s the homework for tonight class!”

Crystalee Calderwood

Author George’s Remarks:

Well written (grammar, punctuation, sentence structure), except I would combine sentences 2 through 7 into one paragraph since they are all related. “But the worst was yet to come.” is a good example of the foreshadowing technique. Also, add this text to the first sentence: “that she was looking forward to.” You did a good job of describing your emotions – disappointment to hope to disappointment, then a change in attitude to determination “You will not let this pandemic stop you from having fun!” This supports the title “Make the Best of it.” You then describe the work you did, which supports the statement “And with this personal advice, she got to work!” Good use of the personification technique (“ two other languages wanted to befriend her, calling her name” and “But then, a language much stronger, and more attractive than the others approached.”). The pun telling that the ASL language “had Riane wrapped around its fingers” is humorous since ASL uses hands and fingers to communicate to its audience. The concluding sentence, “The situation doesn’t make the best of you, you make the best of the situation!” contains words of wisdom to live one’s life by And supports the title. One additional thought: change the tense of the following words in the last sentence so they have the same tense as “reflected”: “…she had done and remembered this, ….”

Detailed Report

Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Center Stage by N. Moss, Grade 7 Student

By appearance, I’m pretty much an average, spirited ten-year-old girl, somewhat precocious, with dark brown hair, that I would venture to say is black, and naturally matching brown eyes. I live with my mother, father, and older brother in our one-story home, although I always imagine an upstairs.

Crystalee Calderwood

Author George’s Remarks:

Well written (grammar, punctuation, sentence structure), very detailed and descriptive. First Paragraph: A nice introduction about your personality, physical characteristics, and setting for the story (your home and family). Second paragraph: Good description of real and imagined talent. I assume it is your parents, brother and you who considers you all these things. Mostly in my head – humorous comment. Give more details about the radio drama. Third paragraph: Give more details about the podcast and nice comment about the mood in your house. Fourth paragraph: Explain the trials (ex. wearing masks, not visiting friends, not going out to restaurants etc.). Why were the outings more exciting? “Writing has become my favorite pastime now.” – give more detail – what were you writing about? Fifth paragraph: Nice, detailed description of the July 4th event, and your feelings about America. Nice use of the simile technique “as if a great orator had stepped on the stage.” Sixth paragraph: “I have given up on the normal for the exceptional.” I need to see an explanation as to what you mean – examples?

Detailed Report

Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood
Crystalee Calderwood